This Much is Clear

Darling Nicimos ...

Thank you for saying 'Yes' today ~ to every single thing I had asked you for last night.  

Thank you for accepting our most precious amongst these, to share. 

Today my heart IS Fullness ~

I'll take your 'Succinct' over my 'Russian Novels' ~ any day ...

Sincerely. 

       Always yours,

          ~ Missimos 

                    Xxo

Je Ne Regrette Rien

My Dearest Nicimos ...

I love you Nicimos.  Now, as in recent days I actively cut cut cut all the ties to the past ~ I cut all the ties to the future realms of expectations 

I have returned though, to evening meditation and gratitudes.  I remember how in January and October and November, how you'd end the moments before sleep on our pillows, with a recounting of the simple and gargantuan pleasures we had shared that day.  Few are thankful for much of anything these days ~ too few reflect and are onto the next gratification before the last has left their throat.   But not you. 

You're clearly not much like other people. 

So it's you, the busiest, most adventurous, curious man I've met, who shows me how to slow the fuck down and appreciate the moments and riches of the day.   Quite ironic because I'm the one who was so sure she had spirit gold to give to you.   How presumptuous of me.   How small my sight for one who claims to brandish the healthiest intuition of vision of us two. 

So I'm back to communing with that Great IS each night.  Recounting the riches given to me that day.  And my days are richer for the recounting. Your simple unpretentious example reminded me.  

And now. 

Something I whisper in my evening meditations is this:

I call your name out loud ~ and then I say as I unfurl my fingers and send this your way ...

   I love you without strings attached

I'd said to you long ago, that I'll love you with an open hand.  Such a thing to say to a person you'd barely started to love!   I thought I understood what that meant.  But I have to say that I barely knew what I was about to get into with you.  

I'd (confidently!) said to you that Love wasn't just words.  Love must be 'Love in Action'

Not just some expressed ideal.  Haha!  You showed me!  Didn't you?

You showed me when I barely understood what real love was, or what Love in Action would ask and might require, regardless of the ways I have loved those I've loved most.  

Thought I knew so fucking much about what the human spirit knows of love.  Turns out that it's you ... You've showed me what it means to love ~ fingers unfurled 

So tonight I call your name out loud ~ and then I say as I unfurl my fingers and send this your way ...

   I love you without strings attached

You know all the whys I'd include the following lyrics.  That's all just between Us.   The little woman who sang this song best has such a powerful voice!   Her feeling in sound captures everything she says here.   

The translation, is clear ...

   ~ ~ ~

Je Ne Regrette Rien

No, nothing of nothing

No! I don't feel sorry about anything

Not the good things people have done to me
Not the bad things, it's all the same to me.

No, nothing of nothing
No! I don't feel sorry about anything
It's paid for, removed, forgotten,
I'm happy of the past

With my memories
I lit up the fire
My troubles, my pleasures
I don't need them anymore

Broomed away my love stories
And all their tremble
Broomed away for always
I start again from zero

Non ! Je ne regrette rien
Ni le mal, tout ça m'est bien égal !

Non ! Je ne regrette rien
Because my life, my joys
Today, they begin with you.

Taken from http://lyricstranslate.com/en/Je-Ne-Regrette-Rien-Je-Ne-Regrette-Rien.html#ixzz3NAU1pAGS

Christmas Bathroom Selfie ~ 2014

Christmas Bathroom Selfie ~ the only singly occupied room at my mom's over the holidays

(Mr. Nicimos, I'm wearing my pride and joy) ~ 

     ~ Missimos

Keep me Skin deep

It's true We don't look much alike ~

When we're out together my hand in yours

We get the nods and looks

That seem to demarcate Us

Surface patterns are misleading ~

They ought to look close 

Come

Closer still

Inside-out would soon reveal 

what

Outer fingerprints conceal ~

Woven patterns of the Soul 

Disparate parts act as one Whole ~

I'll take the nod, endure the stare

I love Our Oxymoron Pair ~

My darling 

(When he's a Pale Pink rose 

                    over Caramel skin) 

      We shut Our eyes, 

          We dwell, Within .

    Xxo

(Screen still edits created from Pearl S. Buck's ~ 'Pavilion of Women' film, 2001 - Willem Dafoe & Lou Yan)

Opposites Talk Back

Like Chalk and Cheese and

Yet still you please me ~

Swear, Oranges, Apples

You'll always feed me ~

Of Plums and Limbs I've

Many tasted, but Yours, so

Sweet, on me, not Wasted ~

Your Basketful your Bushel too

I'll eat and eat till breathing Blue ~

I'm Greedy grown on You

and needy, on You dine Only so

Come NOW feed me ~

Opposites Attract Ourselves Abstract

Till Fictions Themselves eat

Only Facts ~

Then are We, as Chalk is to Cheese

Mirrored Images ~ Yet ~

Honeycombed Bees 

We may be like Cheese, is as

To Chalk, but Let's just fuck

Enough with the Talk!

Progenitor's Clay ~

This weekend is about grief & loss for me ~ I unlocked the Pandora's Box between Us ~ After, there is honesty and rotted tchotchkes

You didn't really see the Pandora's Box just beneath my skin in our first years of acquaintance.  I'd never have let you ~

Don't think you heard the rattle beneath the wallpaper until I let go the sides of friendship for a deeper love 

Love is an unfamiliar ocean and quickly quickly my feet quit a sturdy shore. 

Then rattle split soaked wrappings and the grief poured through.  Pandora's fears felled my feet. 

It's a wonder you recognised the woman under the black ash clasp.  It's a wonder you didn't drown.

After I wide-eyed tried to pull you under I knew it was time to to find a Decoder ~ 

A linguist who spoke in Broken Fragments 

So yeah I found one.  And in these recent months She named the parts of my stillborn heart ~ but I've had to dive for the rest 

I half heard the warnings She ushered about Pandora marbles slip footed falls & the bent floodgates when hell is revisited 

And I could wash my face to the bone with the groves of grief torrenting from beneath that wallpaper ~ Grief is a wide ocean 

This week a sea of grief

A floating down

Swirling eddies silently

Pressed hard against

My mouth and

You were gone from

My memory of

Breath

Naturally I'm wide-eyed today

A breathless Phoenix worried about a watery grave ~ I understand ash I don't understand a mouthful of mud 

I've washed on down these sidewalks of weeks till I lodged in the bracken of a holy day I hate ~ 'Progenitor's Day'

Slip through her fingers, Pandora's fates hold vast shadows and shadow boxes uncatalogued

The Linguist were here she'd probably be inclined just to tell me to swim.   But she's not.  You're here.

Reminding me to Breathe.  

Angel Bits Broh

                 

    Happy Birthday to You ~

             Happy Birthday to You ~

 Happy Birthday dear Aaaaangel-Biiiiits!   

     Happy Birthday to You!  

    This pic is the silent version. 

I recorded this for you ~ and this is a screen-still of said vocal eruption darling. You've got the ear splitting one with your birth certificate appellation in it.

   ~ I love you now and always, dearest Nicimos.   I know that the best is yet to come ~

    I'll be spending all day celebrating your touchdown on this peculiar planet till I see you tonight ~

Here's one more silly picture from our earlier seemail tonight.  It's of me looking totally perplexed & utterly pissed off because I can't quite believe how fucking young you are compared to me. 

You've made of me such a cradle robber.  And you've made me the pervert I am today ~  Every part of my heart longs simply to commit every act with you this day, as long as it's illegal in at least 48 States.   

Yes!  I want to _______ & ________ & then I want to  ________ the Birthday Boy  ~  of this let there be no doubt.  

But since I can't butcher the law with you, and against you, I can commit crimes against all opera singers and serious chanteuse everywhere.   The evidence is already in your inbox for when you awake on this your birthday day ~

Hope you don't mind how silly this greeting is ~ it's just we've had enough serious to tide us over and more than enough of late to convince people we're quite possibly grown adults *shudders*

Even so ... Nobody loves you like I do.  No one plays like you do.  You're the 12 I'll never hide well.  And I know that I am yours.  

I know a lot.  I know beyond doubt that you will completely enjoy the birthday ticket I gave you that entitles the bearer to ransack my country and my arse repeatedly over a 20 day period.  

Oh my fuck.  Canada will never be the same.  And neither will I ~

Wishing you every happiness in the world to you on this your special day.  I'm most honoured to spend some bits of it with you ~ And if you remember nothing of my words of wisdom today, most importantly of all you must remember this....

    -  I've seen your Birthday Suit -

It's a good look for you.  Please wear it out, on my account.  With me.  I'm aways happy to repair your angel bits, gratis, if I go too far with them and breah them bahly Mr Nicimoh! 

Kisses to your angel-bits my Birthday Boy ~ because of you I can honestly point proof positive that the Universe 'puts out' ~ oh does it ever!

I love you now and ever ... have a wonderful day!

   Xxx

Smudges notwithstanding ~

When you're covered in fingerprints sometimes the true self appears just beneath the smudges 

Thank you Nicimos for all the times you've seen me when I couldn't see myself ~ 

          (missimos art)

Bruntsfield

Cobbled trippy stones

Crossing Auld Reekie's palm

A Canny Man, a Royal Cafe  

A greasy spoon that lingers

Along the links with

My brown eyes

@ Able House

You make me howl so, 

   sweetheart!  

Thank you  ~

You leave me extraordinarily horny & 

Laughing madly.   

neither maniacally nor mean

Kinding Sir, you're terribly cute cleanly fresh from the bath.  Clearly funny~sweetly 

boy-like and surely  hotly pink enough to eat

Tonight saved

a little of myself for you for myself,  for later

(Memorised Your soft exposures)

   Tonight.  Saved a little of myself for you for myself, for later ~

     Had so-soft

  memorised your

Hard. Focused so

 upon all 

   Your hard exposures

~>  x x x

Seeker Stations ~ Explains

On Sun, Apr 27, 2014 at 8:11 AM, D ______ wrote:

Oh darlin'    I was thinking tonight about how you'd asked me 'where that came from' ~ from whence came the inspiration for 'Seeker Stations Stationary' blog piece I'd written for you ...

http://nicimos.blogspot.co.uk/2014/04/seeker-stations-stationary.html?m=1

Gosh too difficult a query there for a seemail!  

Where does it originate?  Where does it and the other you-related art find their origin?    Haha!      Oh hahahahaha !   - Hell of a question!

You're my muse.   Simply put, I write or draw, edit, speak or sing and such things, sparked by those sense impressions you lay down.    You, just being yourself, are revealing the world as you discern it, even when artful not to.   Don't you know Your mind & spirit touch on many things?  And even when unawares, you're a sharer of the most purest form.   

Your approach to expression is generous, open.   Even.   You make it easy to be with you.   Your warm friendly honesty impels me same.  Thus you inspire me to be a better person. 

You must know that I view you in so many different ways.  I don't think you understand how beautifully open your imagination is within your everyday thought processes.   You're truly a delight to me.   For a man of unwavering values you never stand still.  Because your face is naturally disposed towards a voracious but a kind curiosity.   I like that in you very much!

In many ways - that's how I see you.    That's why I laughed  tonight, non-plussed as to how I was to try to explain a fraction of exactly what your person evokes for me artistically.   And how you do that?  Oh my baby. You've got to be kidding me!   I can't tell you everything.   

But this particular blog piece inspiration?  It's the tale of the tail end of a pleasant night's greening.   I'd laid myself down to sleep that night and you would not leave my mind so easily so late at night.  Felt you as I often in those wee hours, wrapped close about me as even I draw you in close about me, like a starry veil of sleep.   

In a nutshell, this time  the words on the blog are really but one word spread as a framework of expression towards this Universe that I now harbour, about you:

Gratitude 

As I get to know you over time I witness the shy unfoldment  of your nature towards me.  The more I know you the more I am warmed by all the gifts you bring to me, and to others.    

The piece talks about how Grand Canyon-like you are to me by way of the vastness of the comforts you give me, and by the curiosities you inspire in me.    My muse.   My muse.  You're my muse.   

All the things I'd missed in my life, despite vast chasms holding nothing, are small and nearly forgotten now when reckoned beside the width and the warmth of your arms.   But it's not just your warmth ~ it's your excellent brain and good spirit that bids me sit up and pay attention closer to this man.  

Seeker Stations Stationary is about how far I had to travel before I found you.  It's about the peace and love it is to know you now.    But that's not it!  That's not all there is, it's not over for the finding of you. 

    It means the Seeker has found in one person an open door to all the universes.   An open door to herself too.  To feel safe enough to adventure because of kindness.    In you there is palpable realization of the connectedness of all.   If We Two are connected, then surely we all are.   Through those connections travels the bounty of the universe ~ gifts of expansion and contraction (the very pulse of the cosmos and we the veins).    Knowing you opens up my world and all worlds past, present and future.  

Your example of friendly openness to life shows by example for me how to be more kind.  How to trust the bounty.   I got used to feeling safer by hedging smaller bets based on the confines I'd accepted over the years.    I based it on the life I'd had and what I knew, from it.   

Now I'm learning that I don't have to pigeon-hole everything ~ because, my muse, you remind me that the world is a much wider space that allows for as much measure of kindnesses as there have been the unkindnesses that educated my caution.  

   I don't have to wander the earth forever to find that which I thought I lacked outside of me, because through you and our unusual connections I have touched the endless possibilities of our greater connections to the abundance that IS the Divine as we reach out to It, and to Each Other.   

Yeah.  Like that.  Inspiration does not follow a linear line.  Neither do you for such a 'straightforward' 'simple' man.  

Did I lose you here at all?

Um. I suppose you could say it's about gratitude and about hope.   You inspired me by your quiet unconscious loving examples.   I stop still for five fucking minutes of my restless life, HERE.   Because as I reach out for you my open hands 

touch everything that can be touched.   The beauty, not just stretched out for horror. 

Everything there is isn't 'there' some day, it's all HERE, it's NOW.  

     And that's why the perplexed and dumbfounded expression when you asked me where that blog piece originated.   Holy!   

Feeling for the universe.  Feelings for my muse.  

He is the bounty that so effortlessly reflects mine back to me.   With you, I remember who we are despite our fragile casings.  With you I wake up from the illusions of limitations. 

   Now if that doesn't make for one hell of an argument for your being a muse, well then I don't know what the hell does.  

Xxxxx ~

Sent from my iPhone

On Apr 28, 2014, at 2:49 AM, X_______

wrote:

Wow, what a response my darling!

This is just extraordinary:

'The Seeker has found in one person an open door to all the universes.   An open door to herself too.  To feel safe enough to adventure because of kindness.    In you there is palpable realization of the connectedness of all.   If We Two are connected, then surely we all are.   Through those connections travels the bounty of the universe ~ gifts of expansion and contraction (the very pulse of the cosmos and we the veins).    Knowing you opens up my world and all worlds past, present and future. '

You can see why I had to ask. Sometimes there are so many esoteric meanings in things. But this one did need a little explaining. You didn't lose me at all in your explanation, however. It is wonderful. 

I've said it before, but that I (little old me) can inspire such beauty in you? When it flows out of you it really does. I am extremely humbled and flattered and so glad that I know you and you are mine xxx

Sent from my iPhone

From: D_____
Date: April 28, 2014 at 10:54:08 PM MDT
To: X_____

Subject: Re: Seeker Stations Stationary

Not much I can add to that really, except to tell you that it did give me the greatest pleasure this Saturday to state the obvious, to inform you that I am 'all yours'

May what I am ever satisfy.  May these gifts never go trampled.   

If ever they do I will burn them all down, because I can't give them again to another.   

These are words that will fit only you.  

All the words I've ever written for you ... they come in your shape and in their forms I recognise you.  

Xxx

Sent from my iPhone

Poesy

Chronos, 
Aeon, ever kind 
Remembered him to me ~

Seeker Stations Stationary ~

I stretched my heart over

The four corners of earth 

to 

Find
You - 

Held up mountains 
& years in the way,
Turned over the
Follies of my
Youth.

Let slip through my
Fingers the oceans
Of decades between Us.

All of that

All of this, now
Measures, only, 

the depthless heights & the
Caverns & the Canyons of Comfort
I'd missed along the way

Until
Now 

Here 

Now 

in You I 
Rest my head
Heart my
Hands
In
these
Height-less depths of
Love ~

Chimaeric Orchards &

Oasis ~ Chimaeric No more

And for the first time

in Swathes of Star runs 

This Seeker stations,

Stationary ~

Well, well ~

You know, I love Him dearly, 

      but I can't let my wholeness depend upon another soul ...

 ~ Drink from your own well ~

Love the tenderest balm

But I learn

To grow my own calm ~ 

Survival through storm & swell

Means knack to Drink from

One's Own Well ~

Rhyming aside ~ yeah, His love begins to fill in the hollows as tide

Sly touch of wave and water lap

Moon-like he's gone but He comes back

Accustomed to His Distance

      I'm swimming far from the shore ~

  Where into Cosmos lap I fell

        When I learned to Drink from 

  My Own Well ~

       Independence Even so,

  His Love brought Warm

And Light as well

  A hearth hot Bath

Hot camomile tea

  And The Hands He gave were

Full of Me

    (Photos by Missimos ~ January 2014)

Breathe

Breathe and you know you are alive.
Breathe and you know that all is helping you.
Breathe and you know that you are the world.
Breathe and you know that the flower is breathing too.
Breathe for yourself and you breathe for the world.

Breathe in compassion and breathe out joy.

Breathe and be one with the air that you breathe.
Breathe and be one with the river that flows.
Breathe and be one with the earth that you tread.
Breathe and be one with the fire that glows.
Breathe and you break the thought of birth and death.
Breathe and you see that impermanence is life.

Breathe for your joy to be steady and calm.
Breathe for your sorrow to flow away.
Breathe to renew every cell in your blood.
Breathe to renew the depths of consciousness.
Breathe and you dwell in the here and now.
Breathe and all you touch is new and real.

~ Thich Nhat Hanh ~ 

Mortal Messages ~ Morse Code Mouth

Had the most glorious explosion last night ~ thinking about you.  

Thinking about last night when I was at work.  In Canada.   You were at home, in bed.   Not so far from London.  

Instant messaging ~ 

So so so ______ at a loss for words here!    How does one describe transatlantic fuckery with the vibes turned up loud like that anyway?   How can one sound so casual to say, 'yeah, I was in an office in Canada but I could feel the heat and the visceral excitement of my lover on the other side of the globe as we swam together over a heated tide' ?

Mmmmnnn.  Asked you to Think about doing me doggy style on the path from the bridge of Orchy ~ outside.

You said 'Fuck! 

          I can feel you ~

                   ... Heat'

Bang on!  I'd just that moment been concentrating on sending you heat.   The temporal expression of cunt-fire ~ mine

You were as surprised as I was 

   Fuck!

And I could feel you.  I was so aroused by that.  Like being in the room with you (and I think I was), yet neither your room nor mine.  Even when my eyes were open I saw you.  I felt, you.

What is it I love so much about your ardour?   How can I not say its magnificent when I can feel it on my face at the same time it's intensive electricity runs through my feet?   

Visceral warmth.  Animal appetite.  Spice on my tongue from a spice merchant a thousand miles and more away ~

It's everything I want in those moments.   You're everything I want and all I know.  In those moments the office glare softened into a pasha's boudoir ~ the fluorescent lights somehow dimming yet rising as we did.    For, I felt Your sure rise.   Knew it before you told me you were moving from our workaday interlude, into the maw of the carnal.  And I knew I had to get right in there, with you.  Alongside you.  In you.  

In my own sweet way, and how I do it, I climbed right inside your skin.  To feel your shocks like so much vibration on a spider's thin web.   And though this is more than a thousand miles away I began to move and swim within your hollows ~ filling every particled space with my own longing for you.  

Driving my desire deep into your bones till your body should feel me almost imperceptibly, an electric eel radiating from toe though spine through to the top of your head.  

Driving a wild animal joy along the tracks I have come to love so well.   The very paths your desires take.  And what light and colours they show ~ not unlike that film, the Fantastic Voyage ~ only I don't need a tiny submarine to traverse your inner expanse.   I ride on my own spirit form, fuelled by love and knowledge of your sure carnal meaty weightiness.  

I don't see anything but this kaleidoscopic tube, where we are each at one end, and we meet in that middle.  

I don't give a fuck what science declares an impossibility ~ I'm only consciousness weaving in and through your shining hard lust.   

It's a tender exacting lust.  It knows what it wants, and 

it 

wants

me

I could be a million miles away yet

I also feel your sweet tautness invade my very skin, I'm sitting in. 

The fucking words and creature demands are sensed both ways, yet I know that 

this time

I'm more riding your rails

I'm at work into office.  

I don't have the freedom to 

touch where you touch

so I touch Us, in the ways instinct and black books taught me ...

from the inside out.    

The moments of silence then between us, instant messaging and a lapse of words were eaten up by the movements I could see of your sure hand and expanding heart ~

I couldn't hear it's beat, but I rode upon the electric currents and twisted in its energetic waves ~ my open eyes shut

My closed mouth parted 

till my Canadian mouth grew as warm as your mouth when it growls into mine ~

And I knew when your apex your denouement drew close ~ just the way I did when latitude and longitude found us in hotel room after hotel room ~ January howling outside, and we, warm and loving, howling to shout 

In those keen moments the side of my face pressed against your glass 

Knowing, you did, of the temperature that swelled vibrant, my sure folds and secret places 

And I felt you as took a little of me into your arms, 

arm in arm leg twined round thigh to the back of your throat, 

curled in the base of your spine and to

eddy on your blue-black shores 

And

Then

Crimson to Indigo fades to the babiest blue whites ~ and we

are

sailing! ~

Ascent

over Schiehallion and a world that

Exists only between our strange mortal

Skin.  

Garden Apple ~ Isle of Skye

(Photo: Full Moon above the waters ~ January ~ Isle of Skye)

My dearest Nicimos ~ 

I will love you in seasons, as the Moon makes herself shine

Ever devoted, be gentle and kind.

As long as I've known you, 

You've been ere on my mind

and

Absent from heart I never do find.

Though ages may pass my heart's loyal and true ~

To the man of the Highlands with eyes, royal blue

     ~ Missimos 

              Xxx  

(Nicimos ~ Can you spot that Garden Green Apple from the Isle of Sky?  It's taken up modeling here ~ Yes!  That one from our Cuillins House Hotel breakfast) ~

Caledonia Dreaming

As I glanced up from someone else’s coffee you saw me first.

Thousands of miles yet suddenly we’re sharing airspace.

Smiling warm embrace. Two old friends reunited.

The first kiss, square on the lips inside the square that was ours.

Flower beds then Westbury’s bed. Two flames burning into a single column.

The taste of Pat and the taste of Val. And the most anticipated coffee of all time.

So much to see, under Gordon’s gloom.

Drip, drip, drip – walls flushed with London’s finest wine.

Dickens’ walls and Sever’s floors. Silent and absorbed.

Lahore’s bread from Heaven. Eyes rolling back in open mouthed wonder.

Or maybe it was the fish? Maybe it was the chips? Oh go on I’ll try the soss!

A wee taste of haggis and a wee dram besides.

Which one is best I just can’t decides!

The sour face on the train couldn’t dampen our spirits.

As we sped for the hills landing in the very Hart of Edinburgh.

Oysters and Kay’s Bar and Castles in the air.

And cars that go beep, beep when you go over the line.

Coffee in Perth and something sweet besides.

Snoozing away, she’s in need an afternoon nap.

I watch as she slumbers and smiles at someplace that looks like home.

Just like BC - those mountains up there!

Check out the landscape, the loch and the heather.

The bridge at orchy and the stones planted in pockets.

Are those love eggs in Sketch? How many more steps up to the top of the dome?

Why does this Guinness taste so damned good? Why have they sat us next to the blast doors? 

Why does my green suitcase keep falling over? 

Why can’t they make a proper Black Russian? Why doesn’t ANYONE have a Bugatti?

We stood in Glencoe mouths open wide.

Silenced again as the bloodied stones drew us in.

Traffic thundered by and we stepped back in time.

The doorway up inside the mountain.

Closer and closer we drew towards Skye.

The sun peeping over Plockton.

Come back another time, the signs seemed to say.

Over the bridge and ‘how many miles?’ to the teashop in the square.

We felt like we were home.

As we lay in tartan glory before windows on our world,

Whiskey downstairs and warm cosy room.

As we journeyed back on the long road south,

We left two very important things on this wild isle.

We left ourselves.

Something of us both remains in this corner of Caledonia.

They’re still there now, ensuring that we’ll return.

Happy Valentine’s My Missimos xxx